Predella Podcast Episode: Other People's Problems

Gada Jane

03 Jul 2023 • 30 min read

On this week's episode, Gada's guest is ingenious at solving other people's problems, but doesn't give herself permission to solve her own. Gada's reading dives deep into the historical dynamics keeping her guest stuck while she helps the people around her flourish.

Listen

Subscribe on Spotify, Apple, or your favourite podcast app.

Watch

Transcript

Guest: [00:00:00] Yeah, it was cuz I was raised as like the only child. I have a brother who was raised by my mom. But yeah, it was my responsibility to have the food ready when he came home. The house should have been cleaned. This wasn't done. That wasn't done. I got a a minus instead of an A plus. Like, yeah, nothing was ever what was expected.

I could try until all night and it would never be enough. There would always be something that was wrong that was pointed out, never what was right was pointed out. .

Gada:

The way you expect things to be is you're gonna work and work and work. And, and I think there's two pieces of that.

Gada: Hello and welcome to the Predella Podcast. My name is Gada, and this is a podcast about understanding people by exploring their inner worlds.

Today's reading starts with a very general question about life direction that [00:01:00] shapes into a wide ranging conversation about family history and how that affects current behavior patterns. as you listen to this reading, you will see how in my process, sensation begins to shape into meaning as I explore the energy by just noticing it and describing it. And you'll see how by exploring various questions and issues over the course of the reading, this interconnected map of internal experiences starts to emerge. what begins at the start of the reading, is a feeling of something stuck and heavy in the left side of her body, which presents to me as a feeling in the left side of my body. Becomes gradually comprehensible in kind of more rich and nuanced ways. I start to understand the shapes and sensations as this remembered pattern held from interactions from her childhood that she continues to hold in her body, and I feel out how that past narrative is currently affecting her sense of [00:02:00]what she expects and what feels appropriate for her in her current life.

And, and this involves her current relationships, her finances, and we talk especially about her career.

I keep bringing her back to this old cycle because this held pattern, sensation, energy flow in her body seems to affect everything that we are talking about. Throughout the whole conversation, all I'm doing is noticing and describing what I feel as I tune into her energy. This is not based on a theory of how people store history or trauma or experiences in their body, although my experience, especially in this case, does align with a lot of those theories.

For me though, this is a visceral set of patterns that comes through like a map of sensation. What you will hear here is pure description of what I'm sensing and feeling in the moment

I encourage you to listen to this [00:03:00]episode from a place of noticing yourself, your responses and your feelings, noticing what comes up for you with a lightness and without attachment. Just see what you discover.

, even though readings are very individualized, understanding strangers can be a portal to understanding ourselves and the people in our own lives.

maybe as you listen to this, you will realize how some of the patterns from your past are affecting you in similar ways. Or maybe you discover something about yourself because of a way that you feel different from today's. Subject

I also encourage you to subscribe to and share this podcast. With that, let's get into today's reading

Gada: Hi, welcome. What would you like to talk about today?

Guest: I'm just kinda looking to explore things in general. My energy feels like it's just been sucked from me, and I kind of don't know where to go in life overall.

Gada: Okay, let me see what I sense. So the way that I do with this kind of general reading is I just set the [00:04:00] intention to tune into you and then I see what I sense and what comes up and I'll frame it with that energy feeling sucked question.

So in your life, I feel like you have a bit of a tendency to take on a lot of things and be responsible for them, so, It's almost like you in terms of feeling like you're drained and feeling like you don't you like, you don't know where to go. It feels like you've taken on a lot of other people's problems and things.

And it's almost like you take them into your life and try to solve them yourself. And so I have the sense that , especially with it feels like your family. It feels like you try to resolve things for other people. And what I mean by that is it's almost like you get things dumped onto you.

And [00:05:00] it's almost like. You are the only person in your family that actually wants to process things. It feels like , there's a tendency, a little bit in the family dynamic to just be like, here's a problem and not deal with the problem. And I have the sense that you take other people's problems and try to actually resolve them because you have this overwhelming desire to actually move forward and make things good and even, and that feels much better for you.

But the problem is you can do that with your own things, but it feels like you struggle when it's other people's problems. Does that make sense for you? Does that sound like you?

Guest: Yeah, I've always been like the person that got the problems dumped on them. And now I'm a therapist actually.

Gada: Oh, okay.

Guest: So I'm professional. A dumper like come dump on me.

Gada: Yeah. Yeah. And that, it feels like that started with like the way that you interacted with family like that started, it feels [00:06:00]like quite young in your life. That's like you're saying always. And I feel like in terms of that feeling exhausted it feels like that is because there's kind of no end to that.

There's no end to that because you can't solve things. But I feel like you're actually quite good when it comes to if it's in your domain. If it's a problem that actually is yours is something that you are dealing with, you are quite good at figuring out, okay, this is what I'm gonna do.

And freeing yourself from the issue. Like you quite you're kind of ingenious actually. There's a sort of ingenious I'll take this piece and I'll arrange these pieces and then I'll be able to move forward. And it feels like what's causing you to feel so drained is the sense that You have these things that you carry in your energy that you cannot do that for, because you can't be the person that resolves it because it doesn't belong to you.

So it feels in some ways, like it's a boundary issue. And this does not feel like it has to do with [00:07:00]your clients as much, although that has a similar pattern. But it feels like with your clients, you know, it doesn't belong to you. But with family, that's a harder distinction to make.

Does that make sense?

Guest: Yeah. And friends, definitely. Yeah. Yeah. My personal life. Absolutely. Yeah.

And my son is like autistic and A D H D and it feels like it's just like a problem that will never get solved no matter how much we do about it and who we involve. And it's just a lot. Yeah.

Gada: Yeah. Is this, is this something that happened though with like parents even when you were like you were taking on things for parents?

Guest: Yeah. I was actually raised by an only father and I had a lot of trauma, so much so that I was emancipated by the courts.

Gada: Oh, okay. So that's what I'm feeling is this unresolved thing. I feel like with your son., [00:08:00] that has a kind of cycle, which is going to continue to be draining.

But it also feels like there's a way that you do get a, it does have a cycle of actually giving back to you, with him, it's a lot of work, but it doesn't feel like it has that sense of unresolved stress that's so difficult for you. It actually feels like a lot of the things you've set up in your life.

Now you're able to hold, but it does feel like this sense of being like, un, like you can't you can't like, move yourself, feels like it's unprocessed from that habit almost. Does that make sense? Or that the experience from like with your parent, with your father.

Guest: Yeah. Just like fixer mode. Yeah.

And he was like very gas lighty, abusive. So it was like very much, I wanna make sure everything is okay before we ever even have an issue.

Gada: Yeah, that's what it feels like. You taking on his problems like that was your coping [00:09:00] mechanism was not to protect yourself, but to take on and solve his problems before they became a problem for you.

Guest: Yeah, that's absolutely, absolutely. Yeah.

Gada: Yeah. And I, and it feels like you've done, you do that, like you do that pattern, but it's almost like with other situations in your life, it kind of works. Now it with your friends, I feel like there's a, there can be a taking you for granted that happens. And that's a bit draining.

But with a lot of the situations now, it feels like it's almost like you can mostly handle them, except that there's this way that it's. Like, yeah, it can, it's like, except when it hits that place where it becomes a need for you like a coping mechanism need, which the more you're tired, the more it becomes this this is what I need to do.

Almost does that make sense? Not just like what you're doing because it's a Hmm. I'm trying to say there's like an overlap [00:10:00] between the way that it actually is something that you're good at and the way that it becomes your , Sort of like cycle that you run to protect yourself, that becomes draining because there's no way to actually protect yourself because you can't solve other people's problems.

And I think that's what was so like the peace that feels unresolved. From your relationship with your father is that you could never solve it. Like in some ways you still feel like you should have been able to, and you really could never solve it for him because he was never taking responsibility for his parts, for the things that actually belonged to him, not you as the child.

Guest: Yeah, that feels very accurate. And I do, it is a big circle. It's like, I know I'm good at fixing things, so that's where I go. But then it's exhausting, but then it's like, I need a little pick me up, so I'm gonna go solve a problem. I'm very solution focused as a person. Yeah, that's what I do best. It's like you got a problem, you feel like it's the end, but it's not like I can come up with a dozen solutions.

And like I'm in it.

Gada: [00:11:00] Yeah. Yeah. That's the ingenious part that I felt like I can feel it, like the way that it looks to me is almost like you can see these different pieces and you can bring together things that other people wouldn't bring together. So you're like this and this, and then it moves forward.

But what I'm feeling is that what you don't ever let yourself do is step forward into your own strength somehow. You describe it as needing a pick me up, so you go and solve somebody's problem, but it also feels like that's a way of I wanna say not leaving people behind. Almost it's like if you focused your energy on what do you wanna do or contained your energy more because you actually do solve problems and move forward, I think it might feel like you didn't have as many problems. So in some ways it feels almost like a way of being close to people is to like, Make your feelings and your feelings of being successful depend on [00:12:00] other people solving their problems, but there's some way that that holds you back from like goals that might be just yours, but it, and it does.

Guest: Again, I feel like it's like a way of not, of staying connected, of not leaving people behind, of taking care of people. Does that make sense? I actually end up doing, Way too much pro bono work to the point where sometimes I have problems like with my own financial situations and stuff, cuz of my past.

I'll feel like a lot of guilt and it's like I have this skillset and you can't afford it, so I need to give you this. But I know it's like hurting me and my family.

Gada: Yeah, that's the way it appears to me is almost like if you said, how do I need to arrange things like use your actual skills and your problem solving abilities for yourself, which feels very scary.

Like it feels almost like a breathless, like I, I wouldn't be allowed to do that feeling. But you would actually be, you're, you have this abilities and these strengths to, to step forward in a way and support yourself and [00:13:00] put yourself in a very good position, but it feels like you really.

I guess it feels like you really don't want to be better off than these other people. And I think that's a very, generous thing, but I do feel like it's holding you back and . It's funny because I feel like it, it makes you feel the way you feel you should about yourself.

Like it, it keeps you in a position that you're more comfortable as opposed to being in a stronger position. And I feel like you're not comfortable being in a stronger position than the people around you.

Guest: That's like weirdly true. I've been working through a lot of like self-worth issues and like feeling like I don't deserve to have a certain quality of life.

Gada: Yeah.

Guest: Even though I've worked like super hard and have a master's degree, like when I reach a certain point I like I do, I feel a lot of guilt. It's like I don't deserve to be here when no one like that I loved in the past was here and like I am on this island by myself, where I [00:14:00]should be connected with others.

But I'm not like where my peers are and my friends and my coworkers. I don't let myself go there. Even though I could go there, it's like scary to go there.

Gada: Yeah, that's what it feels. It feels like it's scary and it feels like you don't believe that you belong in. That, and it's not like you don't believe, cuz I think, you know, you belong in that more successful space.

Like, you know, you can do all of the things. There's not a lack of confidence in your abilities, there's not a lack of confidence in what you contribute. It does really feel like the guilt, but also the sense of an Allegiant wanting to bring everybody with you. And I think that's just like, you feel like you need to bring everybody, you need to raise everybody with you and that, and I mean everybody like this sense that you would do pro bono work for people that aren't your family, even though I think it is related to your, it feels very related to your family and to your sense of your [00:15:00] allegiance with your family.

And it feels related to. What is that? This sense, of being a child and both really wanting to belong to this community that you belong to, but also feeling like you can do more, but not wanting to exclude yourself from it.

So you wanted to solve all the problems so that you could raise everybody up as opposed to leave and be successful. And I, and it feels like something, there's also a piece of this. If you really embrace that you have this capacity that the people that you grew up around don't, does, don't have, then there's a way that's related to not feeling like you belonged at that time.

I feel like you didn't feel like you belonged, but you also felt like you should show that you belonged somehow, or you were trying to prove that you belonged or not trying to threaten people.

Guest: Yeah, I feel like I never fit in and I always tried to like, fix things and show like a different [00:16:00] way to think and do things, and that was never appreciated. So I had to tame back what I felt and what I thought

inside and yeah, it was kind of hard.

Gada: It feels like you were very much trying to like, make your skills.

And what you saw and what you could do and how you could help people and how you saw the world. Like make that okay in that space and make that fit, that space. And it feels like you're still in dialogue with that, with trying to prove. That you fit or that it's okay to be this way and it's difficult because I think the other half of you knows that if you can let go of some of that, you actually do just fit really well in this professional space.

And , it doesn't feel like you have problems there. It feels like it's the allegiance to who you think you [00:17:00]have to be almost, or who you think you're supposed to be, or who these other people that had this like very strong connection to you felt you should be. And so it feels like it's held in your body.

This like sense of like stress and pressure. But it's also not you. It's almost like something's been put inside of you, like a sense of who you have to be. And I feel like you, it would be very like there's a, it would be very stressful. In the beginning to actually let go of that. And I think part of it would be a grief about letting go of a connection like that.

Like what? What you thought it could be if you could just fit, you'd have to let go of that sort of I idealized version of what you were trying to get in that family connection. But also I think there's, there would be a grief about how much time you feel like you've wasted holding onto that.

When you could have [00:18:00]been moving forward?

Guest: Yeah. I'm 37, so there's been a lot of time wasted and knowing like that I need to change my thought patterns and having just like a really difficult time with that.

Gada: Yeah. Like to me it feels like it's actually like in the left side of your body. There's actually like just this like energy held all the way through your left, the left side of your torso like around your heart, but also like lower in the abdomen and I think it might be helpful to do energy work to move that or just breath work to move it cuz it feels like there's a stuckness there.

You're actually holding these experiences and if you can move through and process the experiences, like spending time noticing the different feelings in your body. And especially on this left side, imagining your breath moving through and creating. Flow in your body and not focus specifically on the left side. I think it's probably [00:19:00] better to do like even flow and then seeing what feelings and memories come up.

I think that if you were to do that, a lot of grief and frustration would come up, and if you can let that sort of come out, it would move out through you. And that would be very freeing. But I also think that in terms of that wasted time, I think there would be a grief a about that. But I think this set of experiences, I.

Has also given you a lot in terms of understanding and like setting you up to do the work that you can do. So I don't think it is all wasted. Like I think it feels wasted and this attachment continues to have this hold on you that is holding you back, but at the same time it's not fully wasted time.

I think you just have to process that feeling that it's wasted.

Yeah. It's.

I think that it's gonna affect my relationship, to be honest, cuz I'm with someone whose family has a lot of money and his viewpoints of situations [00:20:00] and things in the world is much different than mine and he feels like very happy about success and strives for success. And I feel the opposite.

Yeah. So I kind of make fun of his viewpoints and. It's like, why, why should he be feeling bad about having success? Why should I be feeling that way and why should I put that on other people? Yeah.

See, that's interesting because the sense that you don't strive for success is true in one way, but I do feel like you actually put all of the pressure on yourself to be good at things. You do a whole bunch of the striving for success, the part that you don't allow yourself and that you are pushing away is not the success in itself.

You are good at this, you are good at the work you do. You can solve this set of problems, you can help people. The success part that you are pushing away is only one part. And that's the reward part. [00:21:00] And I feel when I sense your relationship with. Your partner, it feels like there's just this sense of you like being like, oh, I don't need that.

Oh, I don't need that. Oh, I don't need that. And there's a sense of I'm gonna do all of the work but not get the payoff of it actually succeeding or getting the rewards or the recognition for it. And so I feel like you've just convinced yourself you don't need that or that you are not responsible for getting it.

If you do a good enough job, then you'll somehow be able to achieve it, but it won't be something that you have to ask for or accept. It'll be sort of bestowed on you, which is kind of the impression we get like, if you're good enough, people will recognize you. But that's not always true.

Like often you have to put yourself forward to be recognized. So I'm trying to say, I think there's this one piece, but it doesn't feel. It feels like you're part, it feels like it would change your perspective, but it does feel [00:22:00] like your partner sees that you're actually quite good at things and understands the value of what you do and would be perfectly happy for you to just appreciate the rewards more. Like it doesn't feel like there's a lot of stress on your partner's side about it. It feels like it's your sense of the threshold crossing into accepting rewards. That's the problem.

Guest: Yeah. I feel like you hit that, right a nail in the head. That was crazy. Cause I do, I work really hard and I'm a specialist and I spend a lot of my free time like becoming better at what I do because I want to be the best at what I do in the area, but I don't, yeah. It is that I'm afraid of the success, afraid of getting the rewards for it, but I do wanna be good at my job.

I'm not ever gonna half, but anything.

Gada: Yeah. And I think your partner understands that as well. And I also think like the sense that it's gonna affect your relationship. I have the sense that you are gonna go through a stress point where you're like, oh no, now I have to change my [00:23:00] perspective.

Because I am, I want to accept these things, and I think that's more of a stress on your side than actually in the relationship. It doesn't feel to me like it's gonna have a negative effect on your relationship. It's like your part, like the way it feels to me is that your partner has been like there being like, wow, rewards are great, succeeding is great, this is great.

Oh, you have a different way of doing things. That's also okay, but I don't really get it. And then you've been like, oh, that's silly. That's silly. And then you would just go in and be like, actually I do kind of wanna live in this nice, nice world with you. And your partner would be like, oh yeah, that's fine.

That's good. I've always thought you deserve to be here. Like it doesn't feel like the stress is gonna be in the relationship. It feels like you would then get to go and enjoy a slightly nicer life together if you let yourself.

Guest: Yeah. If I let myself, all my friends have been pointing that out to me for weeks.

It's like you need to like just let yourself have a good time, let yourself be happy. You [00:24:00] are really good at ruining things that are good for you.

Gada: I, I identify, I like to sit and think about problems. That's one of the reasons I like to do this work, which is

Guest: he's very much that way. He's like, you do think differently and I appreciate that, but you also deserve much better and you're really good at things.

And he does build me up a lot. It's real weird. It's nice. So it's good to hear that cuz I do worry that sometimes my point of view on things and his is like very dramatically different.

Gada: I, the way it feels to me is that there are differences, like you and he have different ways of seeing things but he just is like, well, you have a different way of seeing things and is fine with that.

And yeah, it does feel like there's just that one tension of well, you know, don't hold yourself back, but also an acceptance that you do what you do. But I, yeah, the only thing, it's like when you say it's gonna Affect your relationship. What I feel is that the thing you would have to do is admit you were wrong or that you don't really believe how you, what you've been [00:25:00] portraying yourself as believing, which is that you don't care about those things.

That's the only thing that I think, and I think that is a stressful point for you cuz it's like acknowledging, oh, well actually I think you're right about something, but that's not a problem for your, that's a problem for you, but it's actually good for the relationship maybe.

Guest: Yeah, probably better for the relationship than me for sure.

Cause that, yeah, that's the part where it's like I feel like I am abandoning people and I do have like abandonment trauma. So that is a big part of it. It's like I feel like I'm abandoning these people and what if I become like something that they see in as unapproachable, you know? Like they can't look at me and be like, yes, I can understand that you are relatable and I can come to you.

Gada: Yeah. Yeah, I that to me feels like a hard thing. But I, and I do think that there are some people that who might feel disconnected or even feel resentful. Like I do feel like there's some negativity around, [00:26:00]people you grew up around. But it's not that people don't resent it anyways, , you just do way too much work to manage everybody else's feelings. But I feel like sometimes you still get negative experiences from people you try to help. Like I feel like especially around the family, you have had these negative experiences.

And , it's interesting cause I think that the way that, like with your father, That you were never quite able to solve it, that almost trained you to have this sense of I'm gonna keep working without any payoff. There's something related to that.

Like that if you were able to do it, it would've worked and you took too much responsibility. And it feels like, that's why I think the, your, that relationship, that like childhood relationship of it, never resolving, never being okay, I think is really, really key in this. This particular thing, even though it's not the same thing, cuz that's not about success or like being paid properly or anything like that.

But it is about the sense of the work itself, [00:27:00] creating a cycle that can never feed you.

Guest: Yeah, that was a weird moment that just put together why I stayed in a domestic violence relationship for years, which I never like even thought about until now. Putting my father and not being able to solve that and like staying, even though there's no reward waiting for it the moment when it's finally gonna be worth it.

Yeah, that's wild. I just had a whole moment.

Gada: Really?

Guest: Yeah. I'm like, have goosebumps right now.

Gada: Oh wow. That's, that's so, yeah, I, to me, like it's interesting because in your energy, that relationship as a cycle that you can never fix, but you hold as your responsibility is so present, like that is the first thing I felt in your energy, and I feel like.

Even when, it's almost like when I think about the success, it's like, it ends up being over here. Like your career is over here and you could step into it, but you're always [00:28:00]checking against. It's almost like, yeah, it's, it feels like you're checking against. This cycle that you, that feels normal to you, this cycle of it.

Never, it should never pay off or you don't, you should always be working, you should always be doing more. And it feels like that was also something that was created, like it was always your fault. And maybe that's, is that a way that the gaslighting you mentioned happened? Everything was always, you should have done something more.

Guest: Yeah, it was cuz I was raised as like the only child. I have a brother who was raised by my mom. But yeah, it was my responsibility to have the food ready when he came home. The house should have been cleaned. This wasn't done. That wasn't done. I got a a minus instead of an A plus. Like, yeah, nothing was ever what was expected.

I could try until all night and it would never be enough. There would always be something that was wrong that was pointed out, never what

Gada: was right was pointed out. .

I feel like the, the way you expect things [00:29:00] to be is you're gonna work and work and work. And, and I think there's two pieces of that.

One is you don't expect there to be a payoff. And the other one is you don't feel like you have permission to claim the payoff because , you are expecting somebody else to say, okay, finally you're good enough. And I don't like, I don't think that's how things work really. There's never that moment where like the world just says, okay, now you are good.

Now you are okay. And the thing is you are okay. You are really good at what you do, but you can't get out of that cycle of being like, almost like outsourcing. The belief in it or like the acceptance of it, like allowing somebody else, or giving somebody else the, that ability to tell you that it's okay.

Guest: So maybe I just have to tell myself it's okay. Is that what we're getting at?

Gada: Well, I don't think it's

Guest: give myself permission, which I'm bad at.

Gada: Yes. That that's the whole [00:30:00] point of everything, is that you are bad at giving yourself permission and that that is the actual key . And I think that to me, the way it feels cuz there's different things.

There's like, oh, do you have to believe it? I don't think the thing is to sit and make, try to make yourself believe it, because I think that's, Not the process. Like it's not a mental, it's not an internal process. I feel like there's two pieces to this. One is

like cutting things off that are not serving you at least for a while, and just saying for now I need to hold my own energy. I need to not over overgive in situations where I can't get anything back because you need to, you will be able to give more later. But I think there's this switch of being able to actually take care of yourself, that you need to allow yourself to actually take care of yourself.

And again, it's like a very cliched thing, but the idea on that people reference from airplanes where you have to be putting your [00:31:00] oxygen masks on before you can take care of another person. I feel like that's the situation we're in here. You can't take care of other people if you can't actually access your own energy.

So the first thing is, I think there may be some like actual, just cutting off some of the work that you're doing for other people. And the other thing that feels really important is another like action that's outward is to go into some space. That you feel you belong in and that feels almost like some kind of group like associate with you.

You were talking about like the other people who are in your profession who are doing really well. I think you need to say, I belong in that space. And take some step to put yourself in that space. Whether it's like joining a professional organization or something like that, that is actually like forwarding your career and.

Putting you in association with the people who are doing the same thing as you at the [00:32:00] level that you're doing it at, instead of, I think always being like in the giving role, it feels like you're not connected enough to like a circle of peers where you can see yourself in that circle and you can actually get support from people who are doing similar things.

Yeah, that's a good idea. I need to change my mindset cuz a lot of times I'll look at that group and like it is, it's like half of me is like, oh, I wish I were there. I should be there. And then the other half of me is like, oh, they're greedy and they don't help people the way that they should. And like I, I don't know, I talk so much smack, it's like, why do they live in these big ass houses and these nice cars and they just discharged this girl cuz she couldn't pay, but she's clearly needing therapy.

I would never do that. But at the same time, it's like, yeah, like yeah, they're doing their job. They're doing it the way it's written. And I made somebody write on a line that I would do it, but instead I'm not. So why am I mad that they're doing

the standard? Yeah, [00:33:00]we, you may still feel that way, like you may still feel angry at the ways people are doing things.

Even if you associate with that, with the groups of people that are doing that, you and you may still have very strong feelings about how things should be done. And I do have the sense that you are, even when you're in that space, you're not necessarily gonna feel like you belong in that space in certain ways, but I think that you'll be able to position yourself.

In relationship to it in a way that gets a lot of respect and actually lets you see yourself in a different light and see like, I mean, see, but feel how much you have to contribute to the field as well as to the individuals that you are helping.

And I think this goes back to that thing I was saying before, that you have this understanding. From working with people in the way you have from your background and your history, that [00:34:00] not everybody has, and that actually does put you in a position to contribute in a way that other people might not be able to.

And I think that is something where you may never feel like, oh, I'm just gonna be doing my job in this way, but you can be in a position where the way that you want to do things can have more of an effect. I think.

Okay, so maybe I just need to change my mindset and I might not be all cozy and comfy in those rooms, but I need to think about the bigger overall I still wanna help people, and maybe if I get in those rooms I can help differently or in a bigger

way.

Yes. , I think that that's true.

I think that it would allow you to help people. I also think that what I heard in what you said was a little bit like still focus only on helping people when One of the things that I think is important about this is that it gives you a place to actually feel your own [00:35:00]worth and value, so, I don't think you've quite gotten to the point where you're in.

Ok. So

it's all about me. Yeah. I need to get back to me.

Well, it's, it's a lot about this particular thing. I think the key to the breakthrough is acknowledging that it's okay that some parts of your career are about you. That's. That's, I think, the difference. And that doesn't mean it's all about you.

But I think it has to be okay that some of it is just like I have things to say. I have things I wanna say. I have opinions about these things. I want to be represented in the space that. Actually reflects my skill level and my ability in this work.

All of those things are okay. I do think you may not actually have all cozy conversations. That does feel true. Like I don't feel like you are somebody who's just gonna go along with the group for the sake of making everything easy.

Guest: Yeah, I'm never gonna do that. I like conflict. I'm like, so unfortunately comfortable there, [00:36:00] but that's why I work with a lot of men clientele.

It's like, let's get this, I'm about to call you out.

Gada: Yeah, I, and I think that that's good. That may be another thing is when you're helping somebody, you can take a lot of control of the situation.

You can express a lot of authority. You have a sort of strength , but again, you don't use that if you think it's for yourself and going back to this thing about whether it's for you or for others, I do think that there's a way. That you would always be reflecting what you think is the best for the people that the profession is trying to help.

Like I don't think it's just like you're gonna go in and be like, well, this is for me because I don't think you are that kind of person. I think you're gonna be like, I think this is right. But there's something about that that allows you to feel and be in your own strength that is empowering

Guest: for you.

You're right. I'm gonna try to frame my mind more towards me and others.

Gada: Yeah. And I think

that is a way of helping. And that is a way of [00:37:00] engaging that it feels like you've cut yourself off from somehow. My feeling is that for you, that would be very powerful to put yourself in that space.

And the kind of creating this sort of you almost as a voice and a person who speaks for others that maybe don't have a voice that feels very much like it's also right for you and it's something that's just being like held back in you.

So there's a lot of things that I think you could do with this that would be very empowering.

I shall explore further. Okay, great. Is there anything else that you wanted to ask about or talk about?

Guest: This has been amazing actually. I need to just focus on my self really, and not so much other people, because that's really what I'm good at. I'm good at focusing on other people and yeah, I'm like the protective friend .

There was this one time we were walking across the yard, me and five of my friends, and I stopped cuz I was like, I'm gonna smoke real quick. [00:38:00] And everyone stopped and I was like, what are you guys doing? So I started walking and they started walking and then I stopped and they stopped. I was like, what are you doing?

They're like, I don't know, we just follow you automatically. But it's true, like I'm very protective towards everyone. I'm the first to say something when I feel like something's wrong. But I'm the first to question that when it comes to myself.

Gada: Yes.

Guest: Should I be defending myself right now? Hmm. Is this right to have a boundary in place when I can help?

Hmm.

Gada: The way it feels to me is like if I look in your energy, you're like, I have so many problems going on, but if you took other people's problems out, you'd be like, I actually feel kind of okay, but you. I don't think you're comfortable with that feeling. Okay. Completely.

Part of that is the guilt about taking other people's problems away and just focusing on yourself. But I think you, you are also kind of like, what do I do if I'm not solving problems? And so I think number one, you might feel that with Having with having goals that you're [00:39:00] like, I'm trying to accomplish this within this professional space.

Like I think you would always have things that you're like, this is what I want to do, or this is where I see a problem. And maybe that would take different shapes depending on the context, but I also feel like there would be something freeing. And in terms of that feeling, talking about at the beginning, like feeling this heaviness I think if you said, I'm gonna focus on my own energy, you would be surprised at how light that is.

I'd be confused,

Guest: but we're gonna see how that goes.

Gada: Yes.

Guest: And that's ok. Later, let you know. Yes, please do. Lightning. Was it free? Was it confusing A little fearful.

Gada: Yeah. Probably all of those things and probably very tempting to fill it up with something else.

Guest: You're right. You're right. I absolutely appreciate your time.

There've been a lot of things that I never even thought about cuz I thought that I had put my past in the past and things didn't affect me, but clearly they are in ways that I need to now explore further. So I very much appreciate [00:40:00] you.

Gada: Oh, thank you.

Guest: Yeah. Shedding light on many things that I have not been thinking about and trying to just avoid thinking about.

Gada: Yeah, I don't think you put the past in the past. I think you put it in the left side of your body and just were like, I guess that'll stay there. So move that out a bit.

Guest: Yeah. Yeah. Cuz I know all about how body and your body keeps trauma and holds trauma so. Yeah, you're right. I need to work on myself.

Gada: Okay, well thank you so much for being here, and please let me know how that goes. I would love to hear check-ins.

Guest: Thank you. Have an amazing rest of your day. I shall check in with you.

Gada: You too.

Bye.

Guest: Bye.